quitting my job, moving to a city (or THE CITY for you bay area folks), and taking a year to write, regroup, and decide what I want to do next (whether that be grad school, tryin' to make this writing thing work for me financially, editing my novel, etc). the fact that I have the nest egg saved up and the freelance assignments to currently support this fantasy don't make it any easier.
UGH, reality.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I NEED THIS BOOK:
Oh my gosssh, book lust.
rainy day updates:
1. My current audiobook, "Good Omens," is so fun and irreverent! It's essentially a parody of The Omen (creepy spawn of Satan child, harbinger of the apocalypse, etc.) that plays off of all the tenants of religion and the Bible. It's incredibly clever - for example, Famine is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In the book, he's characterized as a slick businessman out to change the eating habits and body image of the Western world; thus, he encourages models to starve themselves and creates ultra-fancy restaurants where the portions are very small.
2. Coffee + cheese danish in the morning when it's a'raining outside: this makes up for some of the nastiness of the weather (not to mention the drive).
3. I have a LOT of work to complete today, which I haven't gotten to lately. I'm having a particularly weird time with my job where I feel at once unmotivated and stressed. At some point, it should be time to move onto something that I enjoy more, but I need to continue to do the best I can while I am here.
4. On the other hand, I am loving my freelance assignment! Writing for $$$ is just as enjoyable as I thought it would be.
5. I need to get a smartphone. Verizon store this weekend. The End.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
chest pains all day long
I am seriously growing old and/or dying or I just have an anxiety problem. ANY NUMBER OF THESE THINGS COULD BE TRUTH.
poppycock! bollocks! dagnabit! rubbish! fiddle sticks! aw, shucks!
I am currently compiling a list of old timey swear words because my freelance assignments dictate that I may not swear - unless the swear word is hopelessly outdated.
Any contributions would be welcome!
Any contributions would be welcome!
contemplating a la vic's quesadilla and/or a whole bunch of choco chip cookies for lunch:
oh gosh, it's that kind of day.
Tuesday Freewrite:
Not sure if I can keep this up on zee blog, but I always admire it when people do this sort of thing, so here is a bit of freewrite/free association for your enjoyment (or not).
1.
My skin is coming apart, flecking into yellow-white pieces that drift into the crevices of my keyboards and onto the collars of my sweaters. The itching feels like the moment before a tooth pushes itself through your gums - the violent necessity of a body growing. I feel like myself and not like myself, a bird molting before death.
2.
Last night I fell asleep
with a chorus of ghosts chanting through the walls.
I could not see them, but from the dim glow
I could guess their size.
3.
"When did I lose my way?" she asked.
"I think it was when you turned into your own shadow, when your past caught up to you and then kept on running ahead."
4.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if the laws of physics were slightly skewed. If objects didn't roll down hills at the same velocity. If the phrase "to snowball out of control" lost its meaning. Would we, as moving objects, collect the dirt and debris of our relationships at a slower speed too?
5.
I imagine the life of fashion bloggers as though they live in moving, well-lit Anthropologie or J. Crew catalogues. I can't help it. The images of smiling spouses, gurgling babies, heart-shaped pies and red lipsticked contentment suck me in. I lack the ability to be critical or skeptical. I want that too - the apron, the spatula, the ineffable scent of the American Dream, give it to me. I want it all.
1.
My skin is coming apart, flecking into yellow-white pieces that drift into the crevices of my keyboards and onto the collars of my sweaters. The itching feels like the moment before a tooth pushes itself through your gums - the violent necessity of a body growing. I feel like myself and not like myself, a bird molting before death.
2.
Last night I fell asleep
with a chorus of ghosts chanting through the walls.
I could not see them, but from the dim glow
I could guess their size.
3.
"When did I lose my way?" she asked.
"I think it was when you turned into your own shadow, when your past caught up to you and then kept on running ahead."
4.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if the laws of physics were slightly skewed. If objects didn't roll down hills at the same velocity. If the phrase "to snowball out of control" lost its meaning. Would we, as moving objects, collect the dirt and debris of our relationships at a slower speed too?
5.
I imagine the life of fashion bloggers as though they live in moving, well-lit Anthropologie or J. Crew catalogues. I can't help it. The images of smiling spouses, gurgling babies, heart-shaped pies and red lipsticked contentment suck me in. I lack the ability to be critical or skeptical. I want that too - the apron, the spatula, the ineffable scent of the American Dream, give it to me. I want it all.
poem
Be brave, little one.
Keep your nose buried in the snow, the whites of your eyes hidden
as the crisp season nips at your every tenderness.
Be kind, little one.
Your family blood has seeped into the forest floor, mottling leaves and drowning ants
Breathe in. Forgive the natural order.
Be quiet, little one.
Do not be fooled by the stillness, the empty white slicing through air like a blade
and the warm exhalations of a creature that is not you.
Be brave, little one.
When the world has melted and you stand shivering wetly in the skin
you were born to, then it will be time.
Then it will be time.
Keep your nose buried in the snow, the whites of your eyes hidden
as the crisp season nips at your every tenderness.
Be kind, little one.
Your family blood has seeped into the forest floor, mottling leaves and drowning ants
Breathe in. Forgive the natural order.
Be quiet, little one.
Do not be fooled by the stillness, the empty white slicing through air like a blade
and the warm exhalations of a creature that is not you.
Be brave, little one.
When the world has melted and you stand shivering wetly in the skin
you were born to, then it will be time.
Then it will be time.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I've written 22 pages of Dr. Seuss analysis so far, oh my!
Pretty sure it will be at around 25-26 when I'm finished :).
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
pet peeves that make me feel like a snob:
when people say "macaroons" when they really mean "macarons."
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
There are days when I truly realize how blessed I am, with my full-time employment, my little studio apartment, and people who love me. I'm having a good sort of day, which can only be made better by my decision (this morning) to indulge in a La Vic's quesadilla for lunch today. IT'S A WEAKNESS, OK?
In other news, clearly I need to learn how to feed myself. This week has not been a great one for my nutritional health, despite the fact that I forced myself to eat a bowl of oatmeal each day for breakfast (progress!). However, a dessert buffet at work on Valentine's Day kinda killed it. Just a little. 2 brownies, 2 baklava, an ice cream bar, 3 chocolate chip peanut butter cookies, 3 chocolate covered strawberries and a slice of red velvet cake do NOT a healthy lunch make.
Not that I'm complaining.
In other news, clearly I need to learn how to feed myself. This week has not been a great one for my nutritional health, despite the fact that I forced myself to eat a bowl of oatmeal each day for breakfast (progress!). However, a dessert buffet at work on Valentine's Day kinda killed it. Just a little. 2 brownies, 2 baklava, an ice cream bar, 3 chocolate chip peanut butter cookies, 3 chocolate covered strawberries and a slice of red velvet cake do NOT a healthy lunch make.
Not that I'm complaining.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
little poems, little poems
I need a window with the screen cut out
a flying carpet at midnight
in the midst of this mid-winter deadness
I must apologize for the wound-up silence, for
I never knew how to please you
or any other living thing.
a flying carpet at midnight
in the midst of this mid-winter deadness
I must apologize for the wound-up silence, for
I never knew how to please you
or any other living thing.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
a poem before bed (b/c i've just come back from a reading and had to jot something down, even if it's not very good)
poem
the bitterness coats my tongue
when the seasons turn, like milk
I see my face in blurred glimpses
as I duck to wash my face, the water
dripping off my cheeks and brows
my mouth as tight as a steel wire
and here I am –
balancing again.
length of day changes, the brevity
and force of a winter’s downpour
I long for the heat and timelessness of summer
the days that turn into nights without apology.
EXCITED TO SEE LOUISE GLUCK
"Mist covered the stage (my life).
Characters came and went, costumes were changed,
my brush hand moved side to side
far from the canvas,
side to side, like a windshield wiper.
Surely this was the desert, the dark night.
(In reality, a crowded street in London,
the tourists waving their colored maps.)"
- From Afterword
this happened:
K: "Oh look, did you know that there were apartments up there?"
T: "Oh my gosh, no I didn't! There are neighbors above Flea Street!"
A pause on the staircase.
K: "There's a fat naked man in that window."
T: "Yup."
Run up the stairs and into the building.
T: "Oh my gosh, no I didn't! There are neighbors above Flea Street!"
A pause on the staircase.
K: "There's a fat naked man in that window."
T: "Yup."
Run up the stairs and into the building.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I dont know why but I've been very lethargic about writing/editing since I emerged from the haze of National Novel Writing Month. I have 2 novels (sorry, Kristen, I'll get on it soon!) that I need to aggressively edit and it's kind of a daunting task.
In other news, I have been happily drowning myself in as much reading material as possible. In some ways, it's nice to focus on reading rather than writing for a little bit.
Etcetera etcetera.
In other news, I have been happily drowning myself in as much reading material as possible. In some ways, it's nice to focus on reading rather than writing for a little bit.
Etcetera etcetera.
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